my bad side is telling me to not go to school tomorrow..
whyyyyy do i let myself get down when i'm around people that arent motivated to do anything but sit there and waste there time away at school doing absolutely nothing.

thats how i feel at my new school
and the crowd there is so much different from my old school.

i am doing my best to look at this as a opportunity to really just focus on academics and do really well with grades.. but i am still adjusting.
i feel like i might be to mature for my own good.. i hope that doesnt sound conceited or anything, but really.

everything is going really good.. minus the school part, kinda stressing, but whatever right?

i love having a companionship feeling with someone.. you dont just have to be in a relationship for that. but thats always a plus. but its a really good feeling to know that you have a special relationship with someone because of the way you both feel about eachother..i can't describe it, obviously..but who cares but because of this feeling i am so happy about so many things and my future!

today was so stressful!!!!!
back to school.. its just weird.
i'll get use to it but i just feel unhappy being there.. i don't mind not knowing anybody, it makes it easier to focus on school work. and i guess because i feel like i'd have nothing in common with anybody there.. and being the only white girl with actual natural looking blonde hair is kinda scary.

i hate when i get so busy that i forget to eat.. nothings worse because i feel like i throw my day off. thats how it was today, so when i was working out later on i felt so exhausted..i havent had any carbs for the past 2 days until i got done working out. oh well might get use to that.

disneyland was soooooooo much fun.. i loved it. was a perfect way to end my summer, especially since i was with someone who i love to spend time with!

i was expecting today to be a really good day..
but then my mom was being really mean this morning.. i swear.. i admit that sometimes i'll have a attitude but today she was the devil.
she doesnt realize the things she says to me.. it really hurts and she knows it bothers me but now she wont even say sorry when she says something really mean.

and then once my morning affected my afternoon plans i had to come to deal with my father who was pissed off at me because i forgot to give my cat food.. are you kidding.. he threatened to make me stay home this weekend and not go to disneyland, take away my phone, my car and my computer. i usually am on top of this and he was being so mean about it and i was like dad please dont punish me because i usually am on top of this and he was just a total jerk about it... then at lunch he made me feel 2 feet tall..he pretty much told me that i was selfish and i dont deserve half of what i've got..i guess what hurts the most out of all this is that my mom doesnt even stand up for me.. she just turns around and agrees with him. my mother says my brother and i walk all over her when my father is the one that walks all over her.. my mom doesnt stand up for herself so i constantly get to hear her complain about my father..why be so unhappy.. its starting to be like this more often around here..and i try to look on the brightside when it gets like this but my dad always knows how to keep saying things and make me feel like i have no chance at getting happiness out of him.. i dont even make since..
ahh.. i just need a good hug.

ahh i never figured that my 'diet' would change so much again.. in a month or so i am going to live off chicken and broccoli.. okay i love both, but wow. haha and then no more protein shakes.. ahhh.
and cardio 2 times a day.. i can handle it, i know i can =]

this past week was pretty good.. normal week but i didnt have any 'issues' or anything bad happen, haha.

school is starting soon.. the other day i had to go get my books and the feeling of school set in and i realized that maybe i'm not looking forward to it afterall. but oh well.. i've been positive about almost everything lately, suprisingly.. hoping for the best and convincing your self for the good really really really does make a difference. its a good feeling.

i love being upfront about the way i feel towards people and with situations..but i am really learning that i can't always be like that because it just doesnt always work out good.
if i feel a certain way about someone and its like a good way..like i really care for them or something like that.. i love letting them know. but sometimes some things are better left unsaid...

i cant believe im saying this but i am actually looking forward to going to desert hot springs high school. i talked to my counselor today and she was really cool, they have ROP classes for law enforcement and forensics science and i'm going to take those. they seem really interesting, along with physcology! they have block scheduling which is the first 4 and a half months of school you only have 4 periods.. but each period is like a hour and half, but at the end of that 4 and a half months you get 4 new periods.. but like in the first 4 and half months i get, lets say a full year course of english 3 done, so then its less stress because i dont have all 6 classes crammed into a full day for a full school year, i get more credits too. and plus on tuesday we dont start school till about 9!

once school starts back up im going to have to get use to a new routine.. no gym in the early morning =[
i'm bummed about that! i wont get to see the people i usually see as often.. i still will work with my trainer but later in the afternoon. i know i'm not going to slack off and not work out, but its just i hate working out later in the day. it feels better to just get it over with in the morning. haha i hate having to pack my own lunch and stuff for school.. well its worth it in the long run but just takes time to make it the night before.

today was a great day!

i woke up around 5:30 this morning.. i was so sore from my leg workout yesterday..
but i went running anyways.. the whole time i was running i felt like just going and laying on somebodys lawn and falling asleep because i did not feel like being out there then. but i got it over with.. then i had to follow my mom out to upland. took care of some stuff, did some shopping and then came home.

on the way back from upland today i felt like i was really able to connect with my mom again.. or just throughout the day. we talked about a lot.. i got to be more open about things. shes so awesome..
she is willing to accept things i tell her and not just shoot back with a answer i dont want to hear...waaay more chill then my dad.

we went and saw my dad while he was at work today.. i love doing that. its been forever, since we are hardly ever in upland anymore but he is always out there to be at work. i use to love going to see him at the police station when i was younger because all the dispatch ladies gave me candy and i got to see the jail cells, haha. when we were there today my dad had to take a few calls a couple of times to deal with people.. i realized how smart he is because he knows sooo much when it comes to his job(well obviously, because its his career, but there is so much to know). and he has to deal with every type of person out there. i still worry about him while he is at work because if something big goes down he has to tell everyone how to handle the situation, and god forbid if anything ever happend to him again. but he really is a hero to other people.. i'm not his only fan, haha.

everything is going great right now.. besides the situation with my grandpa and my gold digging aunt.. but my grandpa is dying.. my dad doesnt want us to be all upset about it because like he says my grandpa chose for things to be this way and he is just old and dying is apart of getting old..

i have been spending a lot of time with someone lately.. well not a lot but i do spend a majority of my time texting him and we do hangout.. but its keeping me really happy! everyone needs those type of friends in life..

life has felt and been so good lately..

spending time with my dad lately has been nice. tonight we went to dinner... and i got to really talk about to him about my future, like with college and my career. I was able to ask him a lot of things i was curious about when it came to working with the fbi, dea and cia..stuff like that. i kinda narrowed it down to what i want to do.. but alot of it just depends on where i am in life when the time comes to figure out if i want to go through the police academy or apply for a job with the dea. if i work with the dea then i would have to be willing to move anywhere in the united states, whenever they need me too. so having a family would be so hard..and i want a family some day. and then if i go through the police academy, it would take me a few years before i became a detective for the city. and then that would be better because i wouldnt have to move around..but i dont want to go through the process of being a patrol man. its confusing, you really have to understand how law enforcement works to understand this, thank god for my dad or i wouldnt know where to begin. but no matter what i am going to get my masters degree..in law and such. then i will decided what its going to be out of those choices.
i asked my dad if he was suprised that i was interested in law enforcement and he said that he wasnt because he always thought that someday i would be because when it comes to certain things i'm a lot like him..like with dealing with things. that made me happy...made me feel like he does know me.

i have been doing a lot of thinking lately.. with everything, i dont know why. i just can't help it. i love day dreaming.. especially before i go to bed at night, just thinking about what i want to happen.. setting my hopes high. its fun =]
i'm really learning not to take let downs so hard.. just look on the brighter side of things and doing my best. i think its this book i'm actually reading.. its teaching me a lot. my trainer gave it to me to read and its a good motivationial book.

haha i was just thinkin and another good thing about working with a detective job or in police work..being in tip top physical shape is always a plus, and they always are looking for females who are athletic! perfect =] haha

i will NEVER understand why people get tattoos..
just grosssssss. yeah they maybe cool for the first year or so but wouldnt you get tired of having that big colorful thing somewhere on your body for the rest of your life? because i sure would. and i dont get how stupid things like murals of skulls and colorful flowers make your tattoo mean something.. its so tacky and unappealing.

okay anyways today i took my grandma to church and then lunch.. nice spending time with her.
i'm so tired.. i need to take a break from everything and like sleep all day. but i dont want to.. i feel like i might miss something so i just keep living life everyday :)
i miss someone..like they need to get off of my mind because they're driving me crazy..but in a good way i guess, haha♥

today has been such a great day..

i woke up and instead of going to golds gym i decided to go workout with my dad in our gym.. it was nice spending time with him. i really enjoy spending time with him, i always have. just as i get older things get different because i'm growing up.. but thats life. i just do as they say so everything goes okay, but i dont have to like it or agree with it but they're my parents.

then went to see my grandma with my mom.. i'm taking her to church tomorrow morning!
and then my mom and i took my brother down to ps and dropped him off. then went to visit my grandpa and i saw my uncle gary.. he is so weird.
came home then went to palm desert with my parents and did what i love to do, shop!

but another great part of my day is that i found out that my new gooood friend might being going to disneyland with me labor day weekend! so excited..because before i was just going to be with my mom and her friends, but now he might come. going to be soo much fun. i'll be there for 2 days, i'm missing the first day of school, i know i shouldnt because i'm starting at a new school but oh well, way worth it! i sound way to excited just to be going to disneyland.. i wasnt that excited but now since things changed i kinda am.. haha.